ZIMSEC’s “New System” Fails to Impress
In a desperate attempt to tackle exam leaks, the Zimbabwe School Examinations Council (ZIMSEC) has introduced a so-called “new system” that promises to deliver question papers on the day of writing. However, our extensive research has uncovered numerous flaws within this system. It seems ZIMSEC’s idea of progress involves burdening teachers with additional workloads, leaving them to supervise and monitor exams without considering their physical and mental well-being. Who needs sleep and sanity when you can have leaky exams, right?

To add insult to injury, English exams have started as late as 4 p.m, subjecting students and invigilators to a delightful cocktail of fatigue and hunger. Rural students face the joyous challenge of enduring arduous journeys back home, while their urban counterparts struggle with transportation issues, making it nearly impossible to arrive at school on time. Bravo, ZIMSEC, for creating a system that encompasses inconvenience and chaos for all!

Exam Leakages: A Never-Ending Saga

ARTUZ has expressed deep concern over the ongoing leakage of examination papers. But wait, there’s a twist! According to our groundbreaking research paper, it’s not the schools that are responsible for these leaks, but ZIMSEC itself. Yes, the very institution tasked with keeping exams secure is the one letting them slip through their fingers. Recent reports of soft copy paper sales serves as confirmation that schools are not involved in exam leakages.

Exam malpractice not only undermines trust in the education system but also leads to result cancellations, demoralizes hardworking students, and hampers national productivity. But fear not, dear readers, because we have identified the six primary points of leakage in the examination process. It’s like a treasure hunt, but instead of gold, you find incompetence and negligence.

ARTUZ Demands Bonus: Beggars Can’t Be Choosers

ARTUZ teachers are demanding their well-deserved bonus payment. Teachers are tired of being underpaid and undervalued, and they want 100% of their gross income as a bonus. They argue that the government should prioritize their needs and forget about those silly things like cutting expenditure.

ARTUZ insists that the bonus must be paid in a single month ( November), because why bother with staggered payments when you can have it all at once and blow it all on the festive season? They also want the Ministry of Primary and Secondary Education to be given precedence in the disbursement process because, let’s be honest, who needs fairness when you can play favorites?

Grade 7 Exams: A Matter of Trust and Corruption

The Minister of Education’s proposal to remove Grade 7 exams has sparked outrage among passionate advocates for quality education. They argue that eliminating exams opens the floodgates for corruption, with parents bribing teachers to manipulate their children’s grades. But hey, who doesn’t love a good bribe now and then?

These advocates believe that exams are crucial for assessing academic performance and ensuring fairness. They argue that removing Grade 7 exams undermines the importance of primary education and sends the message that it’s all just a big joke. Who needs a solid foundation when you can have chaos and uncertainty?

Instead of ditching exams altogether, these education enthusiasts suggest strengthening the monitoring system and implementing penalties for malpractice. But why bother with practical solutions when you can just keep complaining and pointing fingers?

In the end, it’s clear that Zimbabwe’s education system is a never-ending source of entertainment. From leaky exams to bonus demands, it’s a rollercoaster ride of incompetence and absurdity. Stay tuned for more episodes of “Zimbabwe: The Education Circus!”

Palestine March

We are finally marching after months of inactivity. This time we are marching in solidarity with the people of Palestine who are being slaughtered by the Apartheid Israel State. Others would have preferred that we March for better salaries but our priority is to save lives of all the oppressed people. Tuesday 24 October March begins at 1100hrs NSSA House.

Obert Masaraure
On behalf of ARTUZ Working Committee